I Am Struggling

I am struggling.

I feel like I am floundering.

I feel so very much alone.

I want to badly to go to my friend's house. (The one with the little boys.) They make me happy. I think they make me happy because they are the family I never really had. They seem perfect in every imperfect way. I want so badly to have what they have. I want to feel the love from a mother, the love from the kids, and the love between a mom and dad.

I just feel so lonely. It didn't help that I was alone all day.

I feel like I just need a good cry. I am scared to cry alone though. I want to have friends around to help me through it. If I cry alone, I sometimes have trouble stopping. I sink further and further down into that dark hole of depression.

It is so hard to get out of that hole. It is a never ending battle trying to come back up out of it.

I am afraid.

I am afraid that I am going to end up stuck in this pit of depression forever. I don't really think that that will happen, but that fear is in the back of my mind.

I am afraid of showing my emotions sometimes. I sometimes am frightened by what comes out of me and how I will react to what I am feeling.

I haven't completely lost hope.

I pray. I believe in God and know that He will help me heal and get through the rough times.

I have to have faith and try to get through this the best that I can with what I have and who I have to help me. I just don't want to feel like a burden, which I always seem to feel like.

Pray for me please.