Guilt

I feel guilt all the time.

When will it go away? Does it ever go away? What will it take to feel good and feel like I deserve what I have and how I feel?

The only time I don't feel guilty is when I am playing music. I think it is because I am sharing it with people and I get an amazing feeling of being able to put emotion into music and have others feel the same as I do for a minute or two.

Unfortunately, my heart feels heavy after those few minutes of relief are gone. How do I achieve this feeling of being loved and useful and not guilty while not having to play music?

Is it something that I am just going to have to learn to deal with?

If this is the case, I am not so sure I can do it. Sure, it helps me connect to the music easier, but in every day life, it emotionally hurts.

I am tired of my heart being heavy all the time.

Things Are Looking Up

A couple days ago I felt as though my life was spiraling out of control.

I know now that it wasn't.

It was just life.

Life happens and it has a crazy way of making all of us feel crazy along with it.

I know that now.

Unfortunately, I know that this feeling will not last, and I am human, so I will forget what this feeling is and feel out of control all over again.

Such is life, but I am living and learning.