I can't wait until I'm older.
That must sound silly for a 20 year old lady to be saying.
I can't wait to be 30 and have everything figured out. If everything isn't all figured out, I still feel that by then, I should have most of what I want out of life.
I want to be happy.
For some reason, in my mind, I get so stuck on being happy in my future, that I don't know how to be happy now. I'm trying though.
In my future I picture myself being a high school band director. I will have a family. A kid or two and a husband that loves me more than anyone has ever loved me.
I want to feel that love. I want it to embrace me every day all day. I want to be able to feel that if I mess up, that I will still be loved unconditionally and be told that it is okay.
I want to be told that I am beautiful.
I want to feel beautiful.
I want to be the perfect mommy someday. I want to take care of my children and be the mommy that I never really had.
I want to be the perfect wife. I want to make my husband happy and make it so that he can be proud of me.
I want to be it all. All of these things.
I know that being perfect is not going to happen, but I want to try.
I feel that if I can get all of these things to happen, then I will be happy.