I Found Him!

I Found him!

I found the right man for me. Turns out he was right under my nose for the last 3 years of my college career!

We are now "officially" dating. (Whatever that means...) We have been together for nearly a month now.

I have never been happier.

I had no idea that I could love someone so much. It is truly incredible.

What's even more incredible? He loves me back. Yep. He LOVES me. That still sounds odd to say or even read. That someone could LOVE me even with all of my faults.

See, Alan (which is what we will call him), knows about most of my past. He knows that I was abused for a year and a half. I ended up not being able to tell him, I was trying, but my friend told him for me, without me knowing! I wish that I could have been able to tell him, but it really isn't good conversation over dinner and there is no good way to start that kind of conversation.

So, now he knows. As soon as I saw him after he talked to my friend, he pulled me in for a big hug. He whispered to me that everything will be alright and that no matter what, he loves me. I asked him what happened because I was walking back from class and it threw me off a bit. He just looked at me and I knew that he knew. I started crying and he just held me and told me that he loved me and that we will work through it together.

He tells me that everyday. That he loves me. Sometimes multiple times a day. How did I get so lucky?

I found him.

He knows about my abusive past and still wants to be with me and loves me.

What an answer to a prayer! God really is good!

Alan has to be the best thing to have happened to me.

Right now, he is in Spain and I miss him terribly. He just called a few minutes ago. It was so wonderful to hear his voice. He will be back in a week, thank God. I have never missed someone so badly in my life. I will survive this though. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hope they are right.

Happiness - who knew that I could remember what that feels like...

Endometriosis

I feel like I have been missing from my blog for a while now.

But do not fear, for I have returned!

I am so busy with school and everything is just so hectic! But I found a few minutes to write. I made the time (I was about to go crazy!).

So, I was/am having some health trouble. Let me tell you about that.

I went to a new gynecologist. She is so nice! I LOVE her. The best one I have ever been to!
She was so nice and so patient with me in explaining the reason I was crying at a doctors office for a pelvic exam. (It was the only time I have ever had a pelvic exam that I didn't totally freak out and lose it!)

Unfortunately, even though she was a sweetheart, I got some not so good news.

I kind of knew it was coming. My family doctor said that she thought I had it, but wasn't positive, so she sent me to see this kind doctor I mentioned above.

She said that she is 90% sure that I have endometriosis. (the link takes you to more info about endometriosis! I am no expert on it and am still learning too!)

She said that she can't be 100% sure, because the only way to do that is to have surgery. Umm...no thanks. Not unless I need it, and thankfully, I don't (yet...).

So, now not only am I trying to survive school, but I am trying to survive chronic pelvic pain and survive sexual abuse.

It will be ok though. I know it will. God has a plan for me. Maybe his plan is that I can help both people who have been abused and those with this disease. Maybe. I'm not going to try and figure out his plan. It is too great for me to comprehend anyways.

Well, that is what has been going on with me. I will try my best to write more frequently!

Dating

Here I go.

Time to vent about some things that have been on my mind for a while now.

I was told by one of my friends the other day that I am going to end up alone forever if I don't start dating right away. At first I believed him. I got kind of upset and a little frantic. I couldn't help but think that he was right. I am going to end up a dog lady (not a cat lady - I'm allergic).

He was making me feel like I am so abnormal because I am timid when it comes to the dating scene. I have every right to be timid when it comes to that too!

He doesn't really know my past, so who is he to judge me based on that?

I know that I need to get myself out there and try some dating, but I am so scared.

Who could ever love someone like me? I am so messed up that I am scared that once a guy finds this out, he will be heading for the door in a heartbeat.

Dating is scary for normal people, and it is a million times more so for me.