Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Saying I Love You

I know I haven't been on here in a while! Sorry! Life seemed to pick up the pace a little bit and I was struggling to keep up! I've got life pretty much under control - or at least as much as a person can have life under control...


I was talking with my sister's kids on facebook the other day. I am not all that fond of my sister in the first place, but her kids wanted to talk to me, so I agreed. The kids never did anything to me.

The youngest got done talking and the last message she sent was, "I love you, aunt Lara."

Oh geez.

I have a rule that I live by. I don't know if it a good rule, but it seems to work for me.
Don't say "I love you" unless you mean it.

So, when my sister's daughter said she loved me, I froze. I ended up not responding. I felt bad, but I had to decide which was worse - saying an empty I love you or not responding. I chose not to respond.

To me, there is nothing worse than an empty "I love you."

I feel as though I have just had my fill of them and there is no need for them. They just hurt people.

They've hurt me, I know that.

In particular, my best friend in high school would say that she loved me everyday. I, of course, would say it back. I thought she meant it. I'm sure she did at one point. She was also the one that I went to first about the abuse. She didn't believe me and told my abuser what I told her, making the abuse a million times worse. I don't know about you, but to me, someone who loves you wouldn't do that to you. They wouldn't call you a liar and then make your life even worse.

That was when I stopped with saying "I love you" unless I mean it. Only a few people in my life get "I love you." Those people are my best friends and my family. No one else gets them.

Call me stingy, but that is how I feel.

Love is too precious to give away to people who don't deserve it.


mother4justice said...

I trust no one, sad but true and reading your blog on saying "I love you" triggers a connection in the ability to trust and who we trust. Wishing you all the best in your journey to recovery.

Lara said...

It is hard to learn how to trust again, but I am slowly learning and making strides. Thank you! :)