I know I haven't been on here in a while! Sorry! Life seemed to pick up the pace a little bit and I was struggling to keep up! I've got life pretty much under control - or at least as much as a person can have life under control...
I was talking with my sister's kids on facebook the other day. I am not all that fond of my sister in the first place, but her kids wanted to talk to me, so I agreed. The kids never did anything to me.
The youngest got done talking and the last message she sent was, "I love you, aunt Lara."
I have a rule that I live by. I don't know if it a good rule, but it seems to work for me.
Don't say "I love you" unless you mean it.
So, when my sister's daughter said she loved me, I froze. I ended up not responding. I felt bad, but I had to decide which was worse - saying an empty I love you or not responding. I chose not to respond.
To me, there is nothing worse than an empty "I love you."
I feel as though I have just had my fill of them and there is no need for them. They just hurt people.
They've hurt me, I know that.
In particular, my best friend in high school would say that she loved me everyday. I, of course, would say it back. I thought she meant it. I'm sure she did at one point. She was also the one that I went to first about the abuse. She didn't believe me and told my abuser what I told her, making the abuse a million times worse. I don't know about you, but to me, someone who loves you wouldn't do that to you. They wouldn't call you a liar and then make your life even worse.
That was when I stopped with saying "I love you" unless I mean it. Only a few people in my life get "I love you." Those people are my best friends and my family. No one else gets them.
Call me stingy, but that is how I feel.
Love is too precious to give away to people who don't deserve it.