I am ashamed to say that today I had a total and complete melt down.
It happened. Again.
It happened once before, and I honestly thought that it would never happen again.
I got too tired, I guess. I don't know.
I had auditions today. That didn't really bother me. I was prepared and ready to go. I wasn't stressing it. I was in the middle of playing my piece to audition for wind ensemble and BAM flashbacks. They started and wouldn't stop. It was like tumbling down a hill and not being able to stop. I wanted so badly to make them stop; at least long enough for my audition to be over and done with.
To make things worse, I started to get upset that it was happening. I know that I can't really help it, it happens. I just want so badly to be able to do and be the best that I can be. It is so frustrating.
So, I melted down. I had to have 2 different people help me and soothe me and remind me where I was because sometimes, they get so bad, I can't tell where I am or who is around me. It is so scary.
It did make me realize today, that I am loved. There are at least four people who helped me today and made me feel better and get grounded. It is unfortunate that I had to realize I am loved through this situation.
I will survive this.