Crying

I have never wanted to cry so bad in my life.

For the last two days, I feel as if all of my sadness is bottled up inside of me. I am honestly afraid that I am going to explode...or maybe implode? (That would be less messy.)

I have kind of been wanting to try and provoke tears or crying. I need to get it out. I feel stuck.

Remember that smothered feeling I had a while ago? Yeah, it's back and stronger than ever.

I honestly don't know if it would be a terrible idea to try and cry. I almost feel as if I would provoking it and trying to dwell on it. I know that I am not, but who makes themselves cry? I guess a girl who feels like she is going to go insane if she doesn't, that's who.

I think that if I could get out one heck of a great cry that I would feel ten times better. I wouldn't feel so trapped and lonely. I want to feel the sadness. That may sound strange, but I think I want to because I know that my emotions are a part of me and it bothers me that I can't express them very well, especially sadness. I can do happy and mad pretty well, but sadness doesn't seem to want and come out.

I'm stuck. I'm going to bed.

-Lara