I feel like I can't take much more of this. I am going to go insane. I keep having flashbacks and they bother me so much. They are seriously unlike anything I have ever had to go through before.
I noticed that afterwards I feel a certain way. I had to think for a long time about how I would describe that feeling. The only word I could come up with was
That one word makes me shudder, makes me feel useless, alone, upset, I cry. It is just such a powerful word for me for some reason. I don't exactly know why, but I hope to figure that out soon.
Smothered. It even feels weird to say. It kind of rolls around in your mouth when you say it. Say it. Smothered. Bleh. That word hurts me.
Unfortunately though, that is the only word that describes how I feel after flashbacks and has all of my crazy emotions inside of it. So, right now, I feel smothered.