I just now realized something.
In order for me to feel better, I need to let everything out. I can't let it all out at once, but hopefully someday I can let it out and feel some sense of relief. I can't wait for that day.
I know that after I cry or freak out that I feel better and I am convinced that it is because I let it all out. I didn't fight it and just let it happen.
I need to stop fighting it. I need to stop fighting my emotions so much. My emotions are there and they are real. I think the sooner I let my emotions out and come to terms with what happened and how it made me feel, the sooner I will get better and heal.
This is all still going to take a lot of time though.