Monday, June 20, 2011

A Valuable Lesson

A very valuable lesson was learned today.

I have facebook, like many others all over the world. I like to use quotes as my status updates because to be honest, I think that saying that you are going to the kitchen to get a sandwich or going to the bathroom is dumb and no one really cares. So, I try to use quotes that I find online. Not just any quotes though, they have to have meaning and relate to what is going on in my life.
Unfortunately, my attitude has been kind of down lately and dark. Consequently, my quotes have been too.
To be honest, I really don't want people to comment on my status. I put it up for me about 90% of the time and no one else, but I like to share and hope that someone else may read it and get some good out of it.

So, my friends started to notice that I am kind of down lately and I was able to just brush it off and be like, oh those are all just quotes. End of story. Then, my family started to get involved. I'm not talking like brothers and sisters, but my aunts and stuff. They like to gossip and it drives me bonkers! So, what do they do? They all start calling each other and asking what is wrong with poor Lara.

I eventually caught wind of this. I was furious. I have never been that mad in my life. I was crying and just irate. I had to then tell my dad that the aunts knew something was up and he got upset saying they need to mind their own business and I agreed, but there is really nothing we can do now.

I feel torn. I feel that I shouldn't have to hide how I am feeling and just let it out, because when I do that, I feel the best after I am able to let it out and feel like I let it go. It is a great feeling. To know that you can let out your emotions and then have some time of reflection and know that the next day is not going to be as bad as the day I let my emotions out. It is freeing.

I know I shouldn't be angry with my family. I know they gossip and such, but I also know that they really do care. I just hate feeling like I have to hide my emotions and what happened. What happened to me is a part of me and I can't pretend like it didn't happen. It did and I am dealing with it now. On the other hand I don't think that I am emotionally stable enough yet to go out and tell the whole world what happened, not that I would ever actually do that, but you know. I am torn. I don't know which feeling to follow. I don't like having to try and work between both. I know I don't want too much of my personal life out there. I live in a small town and word travels fast. Real fast. Not only that, but I am scared of him finding out that I am going through all of this. I think that if he found out that I would feel like all of my work was for nothing and he would try to regain power, and I am working so hard to get that back.

What do you think?


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